MENTORING - THE GUIDANCE STRATEGY TO FREEDOM

Wriiten by: Promise Edem Nukunu

 No man is an island. Shaping is part of gaining that freedom. No one ever get to do something without mentor ship or guide in any form. The bible confirms it, that ‘’ nothing is new under the sun.’’ anyone, who aims to lead either self, or institution must go through the mill to feel the grid.biblical Joseph was mentor or guided in a form. Nelson mendela was guided by Walter Sisula.  Mention Prince Kofi Amoabeng and you would find his dad’s mentorship in him. The woman mother Theresah, was mentored by the Bible. Biblical Joshua mentored by Moses, David by Saul, Abraham Lincoln by series of failure, et cetera. Mentorship is important. You have little time to waste all the time learning and trying to learn everything by yourself. Without guidance a whole, generation could be destroy by one man., without, the guidance and counseling of God, Noah could not descend, the height and purpose of the ark.

Mentoring relationships are developed when an individual agrees to take you ‘under their wings’ coaching relationship are inherent parts of your job or position and determined by the structure of reporting relationships

No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character.

This is a system put place to help an individual to grow and develop and which involved interpersonal relationship between you and the person mentoring or modeling you. This may not be face –to – face but through reading of books, personal contacts and the services you render to them. As I wrote earlier on in the previous chapter, no one have monopoly over knowledge, seek expert advice. We ought to learn from those who had gain more knowledge in the field we want to enter. By so doing perhaps it helped you avoid basic mistakes that is associated with the field which you might have the opportunity to learn.

For me, when I was growing in my field I realized that I can’t grow personally without the benefit of personal mentor or role models to take me far. If I wanted to become that leader and I desire to be – I needed to find models that are ahead of me to learn from. Why? It hard to improve when you have no one but yourself to learn from or follow. And that is the lesson of the law of modeling. In my case I begin to learn from great people in the area that I want to grow in because of my career as a speaker. Napoleon Hill taught me the cause of my life and it consequence if I don’t accept responsibilities for my life when I read Think and Grow rich and the law of success. Albert Ocran taught me manners when I met him personally, telling me in his conversation we had, ‘’ an author who don’t have manners will not go far’’.  James Allen also helped me to understand that my way of thinking can have effect on me when I read as a man thinketh, Robert kiyosaki change my thinking about investment in reading his books, cash flow quadrant, for health, I learn from natural health advocate; Oheneba Berimah, When it come to leadership, Nelson Mandela, Theodore Roosevolt, Dr. Mensah otabil and Prince Kofi Amoabeng had helped me to improve in my leadership skills through the reading of their materials and some by personal contact or hearing them speak at a seminar. In business my role model I have learnt from improving my life and business is Dr. Michael Agyekum Addo,and Prince Kofi Amoabeng. In the area of communication Dr. Gifty D. Anti, Albert Ocran and John C. Maxwell had helped me to command brevity and control when speaking. In art, I learn from Ama K. Abebrese and Akwau Ansah.  For those who fires my passion is Prof. Azumah Nelson, kweku Sintim Misah (KSM). And when it come to building my spiritual life I listen or read and some times arrange to meet such men like Pastor C.T Matey, Billy Graham, Dag Heyward Mills, Eastwood Anaba and Rev. Patrick Otieku etc. As I learn a lot from all this people, I plan to direct my life very well to attain my goals. Carefully, figure out what exactly your gift is before choosing your reference point of role modeling. Because you cannot choose any body at all as your role models. Usually it should be a person who is ahead of you in your chosen field of work. Who may be successful and excellent in a field but could not be worth as considering role model ones the person is not in line with what you want to pursue or pursuing. For me all the people I choose are authors in one way or the other that is why I choose them because they are inline with my field. And did that because they have experiences, and expertise’s than me which could help me tap into for proper productivity. I do not feel too big to learn from those of my seniors who are ahead of me. Who you attract is not determined by what you want. It is determined by who you are. All of these practices became part of life professionally. I listen to their tapes and read their books to improve my life. I needed models who were ahead of me to learn from. The reason is, it’s hard to improve when you have no one but yourself to follow. That’s the lesson of the modeling law.

Coaching others is more than a science- it’s an art. Requires that two people remain in a continual ‘’dance’’ of communication and partnership- John Maxwell

I have learned a lot from people I have never met. Such people are some of the names I mention above. I learn from them because I read about them and ideas script in their books. Most people who want to grow emulating their role models find their first mentors in the pages of books. That is a great place to start. For that matter it is a great place to continue. I am still learning from dozens of people I will never meet. But at some point, you must find personal models too. If you find only yourself you will find yourself going in circles. I have the privilege of connecting with many leaders and speakers in my field whose modeling is worth of imitation. Who had shape my life. Others, who look better from a distance than they actually, were when I got to know them, turn out to be disappointments. This just goes to show that you must be selective when it comes to choosing mentors and models.

I read a story about two derelicts sunning themselves on a park bench from the book 15 invaluable laws of growth written by author John C. Maxwell, ‘’ the first guy said, ‘’ the reason I’m here is because I refused to listened everyone.’’

The second guy responded, ’’ The reason I’m here is because I listened to everyone’’

Neither course of action is helpful. From both the negative and positive experiences I’ve had from mentors, I have developed a criteria in determine the ‘’worthiness’’ of a mentor which I think might help you also make good choices.

 

v  A GOOD MENTOR IS WORTHY EXAMPLE

We become like the people we admire and the models we follow. For that reason, we should be very selective of the people we ask to mentor us. They must not display only professional excellence and skills sets from which we can learn, they must also display character worthy of emulating. Celebrities, athletes, politicians, educationist, and business leaders, many of this renounce being any kind of role model when others are already following and mimicking their behavior hence discourage you. They usually want to separate their private life from professional life, without displaying their total uniqueness to be learned from, and such division cannot be really made. Author and religious leader, Gordon B. Hinkley adviced; ‘’ it is not wise or even possible to divorce private behavior from public leadership – though they are those who have gone to great length to suggest that this is the only possible view of ‘’enlightened’’ individuals. They are wrong. They deceived. By it very nature, true leadership carries with it the burden of being an example. Is it asking to much of any public officer, elected by his or her constituents, to stand tall and be a model before the people – not only in the ordinary aspect of leadership, but in his or her own aspect of behavior? If value aren’t established and adhered to top, behavior down the ranks is seriously jeopardized and undermined. Indeed, in any organization where such is the case – be it a family, a corporation, a society, or a nation – the values being neglected will in time disappear’’.

As you’re looking for role models and mentors, scrutinized their personal lives as carefully as their public performance.

  v  A GOOD MENTOR IS AVAILABLE

Most people who decide to grow personally find their first mentors in the pages of books

I learn this from John C. Maxwell. Steel magnate, and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie said’’ As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do’’. For as to be able to observe models up close and see what they do, we must have some contact with them. That requires their access and availabilities. They must be closer to as to ask them question and learn from them. That is why I personally arrange to meet some of them to have access to them.  Many of their mentoring questions influence and stimulated my actions. Their teachings humble me personally. To me my greatest short fall is leading my self. The simple advice I give to people who approach me is that they shouldn’t shoot to high too soon when looking for a mentor. For example, if you’re considering entering into politics, you don’t need the advice of the president of maybe, Ghana or what ever country you find your self. If you’re a high school student considering entering into football, you don’t need to be mentor by Stephen Appiah, Michael Essien or Lionel Messi because none of these is closer to you. Even if they do they are not constantly available. For considering entering into business you don’t expect to get extensive mentoring from the CEO of the biggest company in your state. Then shouldn’t I? You might ask? And might be thinking why not start with the best?  First of all, if you’re just starting out, nearly all your questions by some one who is three or four (ranging a skill of 1-10) levels ahead of you ( not ten). And their answer would be fresh because, they might have tackled the problem you’re seeking answers to. Second, the CEO, need to be spending their time answering questions at their level and who need advice at their level. Do not get me wrong. I am not saying don’t get to the top. I am saying spend majority of your time with people who are available. For me it was my good friend, Caleb Lomo – my associate, and Rev. Patrick Otieku, who thought me most of the things I need to know. And as you progress in your development, find new mentors for your new level.

  v  A GOOD MENTOR HAS PROVEN EXPERIENCE

All leaders are influenced by those they admire. Reading about them and studing their traits inevitably allows an inspiring leader to develop his own leadership traits’’ Rudy Giuliani

As you go farther in your potential, the more new grounds you need to break. And how do you move on? You learn from those with experience. As the Chinese proverb says, ‘’ to know the road, ask those coming back’’ the same way an Ewe tribe in Ghana proverbs says ‘’ ameyao do nugo, wao gbo mesr3nu le ’’ meaning ‘’those who go ahead of us, are the ones we learn from’’ for me any time I want to enter a new venture, I sought the advice from the people of proven experience. When started i my organization, I sought advice from people of proven experience. The same applies to when I wrote my first book, driving into greatness; I sat to listen to authors. I read about great authors, listen to their bad experiences to correct mine. I don’t know of a successful person who hasn’t learned from more experience people.

 

v  A GOOD MENTOR POSSESSES INSIGHT OR WISDOM

‘’ Never confused the giftedness of a person with the person. Their gift allows them to amazing things but the person may be flawed, which will eventually cause harm’’. Wrote management consultant, Fred Smith. There is a well known story of an expert who was called by a company to looking at their manufacturing machines. They had broken for a long time. And when the expert arrived he carried nothing but a little brown bag. Quickly he walked around the machine for a few minute, and the next action he took was removing a small spanner out of his bag, to tap it side. Suddenly, everything began working. And he quietly left. The next day, he sends a bill that made the managing director go wild. It was for GH₵ 1000.00! Quickly the manager e-mail the expert and wrote, ‘’ I will not pay this outrageous bill without it being itemized and explained’’ soon the manager received an invoice with the following words;

 For the tapping on equipment with hammer - GH₵1.00

 For knowing where to tap - GH₵999.00

That is the value of wisdom! Mentors with wisdom often show us where to tap. Their understanding experience and knowledge help us solve problems we find out hard handling.

For this story, it has helped me to be how to work with talented people and also to be more cautions.  Wise people just use a few words to help us developed and that is what we should expect from a leader.

  v  A GOOD MENTOR IS A COACH WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLES LIFE.

‘’ Self evaluation is helpful, but evaluation from someone else is essential’’

A major part of my life is to add value to people’s life. Because such of much people have dedicated their life to shape my life and so I must also do the same. A mentor should be able to catch you in order to develop you gifts fully to affect lives. As ‘coach‘ remains something, or someone, who carries a valued person from where they are to where they want to be so if you have a coach you know you would end at your desire destination, you should learn from him. In a piece ‘A coach by any other name’, written by Kevin, he goes on to describe what it means to a coach. He writes,

In other cultures and languages, coaches are known by many different names and titles.

In Japan, a ‘’Sensei’’ is one who has gone farther down the path. In martial arts, it is the destination for master. In Sanskrit, a ‘’guru’’ is one with great knowledge and wisdom. ‘’Gu’’ means darkness, and ‘’ru’’ means light – a gurau takes someone from darkness into the light. In Tibet, a ‘’lama’’ is one with spirituality and authority to teach. In Tibetan Buddhism, the Dalai Lama is the highest ranking teacher. In Italy, a ‘’maestro’’ is a master teacher of music. It is short for ‘’maestro’’ de capella,’’ meaning master of the chapel. In France, ‘’tutor’’ is a private teacher. The term dates to the fourteenth century and refers to one served as a watchman. In England, a ‘’guide’’ is one who knows and shows the way. It denotes the ability to see and point out the better course. In Greece, a ‘’ mentor’’ is a wise and trusted advisor. In the Odyssey, Homer’s mentor was a protective and supportive counselor. And all these words describe the same role: one who goes before and shows the way.

No matter what words you used to describe them, coaches makes a difference in ones life and you should be careful in choosing them. They are essential to help us to be more productive. Well we do better if we get someone evaluating us. As it is written by Andy Stanley ‘’ Self evaluation is helpful, but evaluation from someone else is essential’’ Mentoring relationship may focus on variety of areas and may change over time. Coaching relations focus on your job performance and do not varied on that topic.

In my opinion, good coaches share five common characteristics.  As i’ve learned from John C. Maxwell in his book 15 inevitable laws of growth, They …’

‘’Care for the people they coach

Observe their attitudes, behavior and performance

A lien them with their strengths for peak performance

Communicate and give feedback about their performance

Help them to improve their lives and performance

The process of growing with the help of a mentor usually follows this pattern; it begins with awareness. You realized that you need help and following your self is not viable. I recognize that I had no experience, no exposure. And when a person comes to such realization, one of two things can happen. The first is that the person’s pride swells up and he cannot bring himself to ask another person for advice.in his book, The corporate Steeplechase, psychologist Srully Blotnick says that people in their twenties starting their careers tend to be ashamed to ask questions. When they reached their thirties, their desire to be individualistic makes it difficult for them to seek counsel from colleagues. That can definitely work against them. To keep from looking ignorant they almost ensure their own ignorance. The other reaction to awareness is to humble yourself and say , ‘’ I need your help’’. That decisions only leads to greater knowledge, but it also often develops maturity. It reinforces that people need one another- not just when they’re young and starting out, but their entire lives. As Emmanuel Dei-Tumi, wrote, ‘’everyone of us need each other to keep us going’’ and KSM said ‘’ we need to hold the hand of each other to reach that place that we want to.  Chuck Swindoll so eloquently says in his book ‘’The finishing Touch’’,

Nobody is a whole chain. Each one is a link. But take away one link and the chain is broken.

Nobody is a whole team. Each one is a player. But take away one player and the game is forfeited.

Nobody is a whole orchestra. Every one is a musician. But take away one musician and the symphony is incomplete…

You guessed it. We need each other. You need someone and someone needs you. Isolated islands we’re not.

To make this thing called life work. We gotta lean and support. And relate and respond. And give and take. And confess and forgive. And reach out and embrace. And release and rely..

Since none of us is a whole, independent, self- sufficient, super-capable, all- powerful hot shot, let’s quit acting like we are. Life’s lonely enough without our playing that silly role’’.

The game is over let’s link up.

If you want to freed your self, free your mind first. Guidance is needed,. Avoid it and the consequences are unimaginable. Freedom is a process. It does not come over night. Declare your independence now, measure your strength, break the chain and shout freedom.

This is not a book written to disregard you and to make you feel unequal in your power to face your very will to exist. Rather it’s a book purposely to point out that there is still hope for everyone, who has realized the need to free him/herself. When life holds out of control and things seems to fall apart just, hold your heart and tell yourself all is well.

A chance has been given to grow up once a again. Defy the odd and realign your purpose. Know one can free you except yourself, with Jesus Christ at the center.